I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
