remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
