I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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