sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
