Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
honey bunches of taint.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
