tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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