fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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