Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
