when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
