is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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