dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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