Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
