at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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