somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
