Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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