He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
