life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
