Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
