I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
