he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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