I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
