Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize