And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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