I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
