I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
