I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
