highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
