my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
