I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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