I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nutella sex= disaster
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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