My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
