I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
