i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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