Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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