Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
