question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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