My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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