I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
