never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
