Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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