Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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