hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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