The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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