What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
