he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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