He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
