Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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