I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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