So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
