I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
