i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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