The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize