nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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