T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
