You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just gargled with NyQuil
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
