hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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