So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
