You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
