my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
