I hate your face
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
