Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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