After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
