My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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