If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
