You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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