I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
