I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
