he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
