Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
