Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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