Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize