The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
