It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
