I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
