Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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