He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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