found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
