if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
