I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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