Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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