sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
