he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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