dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
