The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize