Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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