he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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