Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
