he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
