In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
