so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My hand turned me down
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
