Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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