I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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