Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
