ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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