This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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