ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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