just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
