I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
