The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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