So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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