Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I understand Curling. That high.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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